Life is funny. It can bring pain and joy all within such a short time that you get whiplash. One day I'm a wreck of a person, and the next I'm radiating happiness. These waves of emotion stem from the fact that my life is in such a state of metamorphosis. If someone would have told me a few months ago that my life would be as it is now- newly single, new job, finishing my last year of school, I would tell them that they're nuts. But here we are. These past few months have shown me that although you can prepare for life as much as you want, you never actually know what it will hand you.
Upon the beginning of the trail, gorgeous white foamed falls flowed surrounded by rock scramble covered in moss. I immediately felt lighter. I was so thankful to myself for not driving back home. I followed the trail up around the flowing waters, over fallen logs, and past skittering salamanders. I felt myself laugh a little at the thought of passing this up. Why is it that I feel like I can't do these things alone? What makes women like me feel this way? These are questions that were running through my head. I passed families and couples and a group of teens, but I didn't see one woman alone. I was considering my mom, concerned and upset at my decisions to hike alone, or my coworkers who question my decision making, or my dad asking me to apply for a gun permit. It's something that I struggle to explain to people. I love hiking, and I love doing it alone. I take all precautions, I save maps on my phone, I leave my planned hike with family or friends, and I always carry first aid and extras clothes, food and water. So why am I letting others voices influence my decisions?
As I'm embracing my new life, I've come to the realization that I have held myself back from things I truly enjoy solely because I was scared or didn't want to upset someone else. I was always saying no or maybe later to new experiences. Recently I decided to change that. I've decided to start saying yes more, and quieting my anxieties with the excitement of new horizons.
Taking this idea in stride, I got an invite from a fellow blogger to meet up with her and friends for a longer hike in the Catskill Mountains of New York. I was hesistant because I've never hiked in the state before, only driven through it to get to Maine or Vermont, nor have I actually met any of the people I was meeting in real life. I was also nervous because this would involve me driving alone for four hours. I had never driven alone to that extent, and was worried about doing it in the dark with no cell service.
I decided, despite my nervousness, that I should just take the plunge and go. I was growing tired of holding myself back.
Once arrived, I felt a weight lift off my chest. I did it! I'm here! It wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought. I was feeling like I could move mountains. I had a great night meeting new, like-minded people and having great conversation. The following morning we set out for the planned hike, I felt this same feeling. I was ready to set out for a day of fresh mountain air.
That is, until a few minutes into the hike my lungs started to constrict. I suffer from asthma, and sometimes elevation gain, humidity, and my shitty lungs do not mix. Unfortunately I had to part ways from the group, I was sad and disappointed in myself. But I didn't let this disappointment ruin my trip. I thought about just driving home, but then I realized that I didn't need to leave just because my ideas didn't go as planned.
I left the area and drove about thirty minutes to a different park, with a few hikes with less elevation. The parking lots were completely full, which resulted in me parking about a mile away from the trail-head. As I walked on a busy highway to the trail, I met a husband and wife duo who were also walking towards the trail. They told me that they're newlyweds, they've never been hiking or seen a waterfall, and commented on my being alone and my hiking boots. I told them about the trails length, conditions and myself. It was a great start to the trail. As I took a different path, the couple bid be goodbye and I hiked on.
As I neared the end of the hike, I noticed a mother and daughter duo that I had passed a few times resting on a rock. We made eye contact and immediately started up a conversation. We ended up hiking the last bit together, laughing and taking photos of each other. We talked about life, relationships, jobs, family. Everything. They too mentioned my being alone. It was a perfectly unplanned day. As we hiked back down, I was feeling lucky for the company, and so so happy to have done the hike. As it turns out, I didn't have to hike the extra mile back to my car, as they offered to drive me from the trail-head. I looked at the falls one more time, smiling from ear to ear, so grateful to have gone out alone.
These photos were taken in Woodland Valley Campground and Kaaterskills Falls in New York State.
