Finding Balance on the Trail

Hello again!


It's been a long while since I've written here last. Let me begin with saying that the month of September flew by. To update you, I returned to University for my final year, so things have been more than hectic mentally and physically. This is the one thing I've always struggled with: finding a balance. It's easy to say that you can just get up earlier or stay up later, or use your lunch break at work to write a paper, but we all know that's not always how life works. I find myself constantly battling, always trying to figure out the best way to budget my time. Priories become less important when you're running on a few hours of sleep, you have an essay due at midnight and you have work in the morning. Then, throw friendships, relationships and playing with your dog in the mix and twenty-four hours just doesn't seem like enough. And sometimes it isn't. But I do know that the most important thing is taking care of me first, and doing things that make me feel good. Things that help clear my mind and really focus. For me that has always been going outside.

It's interesting that I crave the outdoors when I really don't have time for them, like during midterms. It's hard to deny the fall foliage when you have to meet graduation requirements (joking, I think.)   mostly in this time of stress, I need to allow myself a reset, something a little more than just a weekend away or day trip. So off to Shenandoah National Park I went.

Shenandoah has always been special to me, there's something about your first National Park and a real set of mountains that stays with you. I first visited years ago, and it was my first real glimpse into road-tripping that I'd ever experienced. Though I've been back many times now, the feeling of seeing the Blue Ridge in the distance never changes, and it still makes me feel so small. This time felt just a little different for me though, as I stepped onto the trail again as a different person.

I even re-did hikes that I've done before and they felt different, too. But I know that the park hadn't changed, I had. As time flies by and the holidays are fast approaching, I see the importance of taking the time to slow down and enjoy my surroundings. These next few days I didn't have any work responsibilities, I didn't have class to get to, and I didn't have to look at my phone. But I did have the view to look at, and it was amazing.

Some of these photos were taken via iphone, some on my Canon T6

"I marvel at the trees, how their leaves change colors and fall off. I realize the biggest lesson I must learn from autumn is how to gracefully let go." -foreveragoboniversemma on tumblr

Going Out Alone

Life is funny. It can bring pain and joy all within such a short time that you get whiplash. One day I'm a wreck of a person, and the next I'm radiating happiness. These waves of emotion stem from the fact that my life is in such a state of metamorphosis. If someone would have told me a few months ago that my life would be as it is now- newly single, new job, finishing my last year of school, I would tell them that they're nuts. But here we are. These past few months have shown me that although you can prepare for life as much as you want, you never actually know what it will hand you.

As I'm embracing my new life, I've come to the realization that I have held myself back from things I truly enjoy solely because I was scared or didn't want to upset someone else. I was always saying no or maybe later to new experiences. Recently I decided to change that. I've decided to start saying yes more, and quieting my anxieties with the excitement of new horizons. 

Taking this idea in stride, I got an invite from a fellow blogger to meet up with her and friends for a longer hike in the Catskill Mountains of New York. I was hesistant because I've never hiked in the state before, only driven through it to get to Maine or Vermont, nor have I actually met any of the people I was meeting in real life. I was also nervous because this would involve me driving alone for four hours. I had never driven alone to that extent, and was worried about doing it in the dark with no cell service. 

I decided, despite my nervousness, that I should just take the plunge and go. I was growing tired of holding myself back. 

Once arrived, I felt a weight lift off my chest. I did it! I'm here! It wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought. I was feeling like I could move mountains. I had a great night meeting new, like-minded people and having great conversation. The following morning we set out for the planned hike, I felt this same feeling. I was ready to set out for a day of fresh mountain air.

That is, until a few minutes into the hike my lungs started to constrict. I suffer from asthma, and sometimes elevation gain, humidity, and my shitty lungs do not mix. Unfortunately I had to part ways from the group, I was sad and disappointed in myself. But I didn't let this disappointment  ruin my trip. I thought about just driving home, but then I realized that I didn't need to leave just because my ideas didn't go as planned. 

I left the area and drove about thirty minutes to a different park, with a few hikes with less elevation. The parking lots were completely full, which resulted in me parking about a mile away from the trail-head. As I walked on a busy highway to the trail, I met a husband and wife duo who were also walking towards the trail. They told me that they're newlyweds, they've never been hiking or seen a waterfall, and commented on my being alone and my hiking boots. I told them about the trails length, conditions and myself. It was a great start to the trail. As I took a different path, the couple bid be goodbye and I hiked on.

Upon the beginning of the trail, gorgeous white foamed falls flowed surrounded by rock scramble covered in moss. I immediately felt lighter. I was so thankful to myself for not driving back home. I followed the trail up around the flowing waters, over fallen logs, and past skittering salamanders. I felt myself laugh a little at the thought of passing this up. Why is it that I feel like I can't do these things alone? What makes women like me feel this way?  These are questions that were running through my head. I passed families and couples and a group of teens, but I didn't see one woman alone. I was considering my mom, concerned and upset at my decisions to hike alone, or my coworkers who question my decision making, or my dad asking me to apply for a gun permit. It's something that I struggle to explain to people. I love hiking, and I love doing it alone. I take all precautions, I save maps on my phone, I leave my planned hike with family or friends, and I always carry first aid and extras clothes, food and water. So why am I letting others voices influence my decisions?

As I neared the end of the hike, I noticed a mother and daughter duo that I had passed a few times resting on a rock. We made eye contact and immediately started up a conversation. We ended up hiking the last bit together, laughing and taking photos of each other.  We talked about life, relationships, jobs, family.  Everything. They too mentioned my being alone.  It was a perfectly unplanned day. As we hiked back down, I was feeling lucky for the company, and so so happy to have done the hike. As it turns out, I didn't have to hike the extra mile back to my car, as they offered to drive me from the trail-head. I looked at the falls one more time, smiling from ear to ear, so grateful to have gone out alone.

                            These photos were taken in Woodland Valley Campground and Kaaterskills Falls in New York State. 

Finding Beauty Close to Home

Everyone has a place where they go to think or decompress. A place that in their mind, embodies a serene break from the stresses of everyday life. You might break out a good book, catch up with a friend, or walk your dog here. But where are these places? Are they local, or in your backyard? Do they entail a four hour drive to green covered mountains down south, or rocky waterfalls up north?

I happen to believe that though these far away places can be that for some people, I find a special kind of calm from hidden gems close to home. I'm a firm believer in taking the time out to explore and discover more of your own hometown and the natural areas surrounding it. You might actually find some small, quiet place to go. I know I did.

It is easy to feel like home doesn't have beautiful places, considering you can see so many of them plastered on Instagram feeds and Pinterest accounts. It makes us feel like our little slice of paradise is not worthy of these sites. But why? Beauty is everywhere.

These photos were taken in Fort Mott State Park, New Jersey

During this time of extreme change in my life,  I found myself searching for more wild, quiet places that I could go to when I felt stressed. I wanted to make sure that it didn't involve driving hours long when I needed a nature fix. I made a conscious effort to let go of the idea that there weren't any places I could go that could compare to some of my favorite spaces hours away. So, I started to think about my hometown as an outsider. Where would I go if I've never been here before? The first thing I did was search for parks or protected land that had trails open to the public. I was surprised to find places that I've been to before DID have trails that I've never seen. How could I have ignored these? I've lived close by all of my life! I think it's because I wasn't looking. I was too caught up in the beauty of places that I strive to travel to, not the ones readily available just a few minutes down the road.

Three steps to finding beauty close to home:

1.  Search for State Parks, or BLM (bureau of land management) in your area. 
2. Look for historical sites, wildlife management areas, or land managed by other government agencies like Fish and Wildlife. These places often have trails, docks, or beaches open to the public during daytime hours and until sunset. 
3.  If you're looking for trails specifically, use a website like All Trails.  (I use this whenever I go to a new city, too) Just enter your city and search away, you might be surprised at the beauty so close to home.  
4. Don't forget to check your backyard. 

"When searching for happiness be sure not to over look the little moments in life, because often times that is where it lingers the most..."

-Nicole Moon

(These photos are all shot on an iPhone, camera replacement coming soon)

Get Out and Move On: The Heartbreak Edition

Welcome to my first post! I just want to start by saying that although this post is about my own personal experiences with love and loss, I know this post can resonate with anyone dealing with struggles in their work, home, or daily life. I want my blog to be a place that those who love the outdoors can come to and find similar ideas and feelings. Now let's get into it.

 I'm not a very emotional person (outside of the animal version, which I'll save for another post) however, a few weeks ago I found myself dealing with a complete life change: I ended a six year relationship with my boyfriend. This relationship guided me through many milestones and times in my life where I felt that without it, I wasn't myself anymore. How can you go from being a package deal for so long, to single and alone in just a few days? It was debilitating.

 I think we can all relate to that in some way, whether it be work, school, or romantic relationships. You are not your job, just like you are not your relationship. Though I found my passion for the outdoors in this relationship, I also experienced a common theme in my life: mental illness. Without saying too much, I'll just state here that I have had experiences in the depression department throughout my family, and then in my relationship. This was different. This was a drowning depression, one that made me question my own mental health, my decisions, and my memories from the last 6+ years.

That being said, once I started to let go of the idea that I needed this relationship to be myself, I starting seeing changes. I started going back outside, visiting friends, traveling, and jumping back into the outdoor realm that I love. I can't tell you how many times I've denied amazing opportunities and experiences because of my relationship, and it felt so great to just say "yes" to all of them coming my way.

Outside, I feel like myself again. I drive hours away to less visited trails and leash my dog for a day of hiking, and find myself again. I walk along the trail without reservation, without worrying about the time, and without the sound of another. I can really hear things now: the birds chirping, the buzzing of bugs on wildflowers, all of it. The sky becomes clearer, just like my mind. It's something I didn't know I was missing, despite the hundreds of miles I've hiked before.

This also gives me the chance to think without distractions. The sun on my face is a calming presence, whispering "everything will be fine," The wind an encouraging force shouting "You can!" at the unsure and small voice in my mind. These wild places are a refuge to my mind and soul, a constant reminder to let go and push forward. So get outside, and move on one step at a time. 

These photos were taken at Maurice River Bluffs Nature Preserve in Millville, New Jersey.